1. Things are coming to a close here — in this job, this town, this weird season of life. We finished state testing on Thursday, which means we only have another 7 days of school. By grace and stubborness, I have survived and even had some joy.
2. After school on Thursday, I had to stop by M’s house to pay my part of our last phone bill (because yes, it has taken that long to effectively deal with the friendly customer service staff of Verizon. . .). That was the last thing, I think. We didn’t meet through mutual friends. Our families aren’t connected. We don’t even have things in common, as it turns out, that would give us a reason to ever see each other again. I’m leaving in a couple of weeks, for good, so I told him to take care. I need to say how strange that is — here is someone who knew most all of my secrets & who I considered to be my other half for quite awhile, and there is a good chance that we’ll go out into the universe and never see each other again. I’m ok about it and all, but I don’t really have words (besides vulnerable) to describe the weirdness of it all.
3. After that, I decided on a whim to drive to Memphis for a Salsa class. I’d gone to my first Salsa club the previous weekend and, despite the patient guidance of my dancing date, looked ridiculous the whole time. But I’m determined that dancing WILL be part of my life now, so I went to work on it. Even though I didn’t know anyone there and I was totally out of my element, I made some progress. Then I had a lovely coffee date with myself. As it turns out, I’m good company. Ha.
A few months ago, dear Rebecca S. told me single dates were a very healthy idea. I didn’t really buy it at the time, but she was right. I had such a great time that I went out with myself again today, to Oxford. yes yes yes. And in the women’s bathroom of Squarebooks, I read this lovely piece:
If I Had My Life to Live Over
Nadine Stair
If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.
May 17th, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Lauren- this is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. I needed to read them. And, please, please. Dance!
P.S. I have the tin of tea you gave me on my desk- I have been sharing it with everyone in the office and, in fact, trapsed down the hallway today with a bag to thrust at Dr. Goode..”It’s Harney and Sons…with BERGAMOT!!!” Everyone loves it (as do I)…thank you : )